Letting go of a conflicted situation or relationship doesn’t have to be painful or difficult.
When you think you of the conflict’s content as the meaning or purpose of the conflict then it will be difficult. Sometimes the content simply can’t be overlooked, such as infidelity, or teen drinking, and we know how much pain that causes.
When you think of conflict as an opportunity, an opening moment to connect in another way to your self or another or to a different situation or perception, it changes the experience and meaning of the conflict. The conflict speaks of unseen energies and has broader implications than the content. Here, conflict is giving you another direction from which to consider your next move.
In this way the conflict serves the purpose of awakening our mind to look beyond what is the external struggle at hand, and asks what is the personal communication from our own intuition, or from a Higher Power of a spiritual nature. The conflict becomes a springboard for growth. Letting go of it and perhaps feelings of gratitude will naturally follow. If not, you are only focusing on the content .
Consider for a moment the I Ching hexagram 45 when interpreted by the deep thinking poet and artist Carolyn Mary Kleefeld. My interpretation is in [ ].
In her book The Alchemy of Possibility, Kleefeld describes the meaning of this hexagram as there ” being secret forces [meaning hidden from view, also called the subtle realms] at work, leading together those who belong together. We must yield to this attraction; then we make no mistakes. Where inner relationship exist, no great preparations and formalities are necessary.”
The truth stated here gives me great peace to trust and let go of the conflict; to follow the path of least resistance which leads to alignment within and without. ” Where inner relationship, [meaning alignment with our highest self, or Soul, on our path] exists, no great preparations [putting on a new face, changing our essence, hiding our light, playing small] and formalities [rules and beliefs given or force on us that we don’t resonate with our highest expression of self] are necessary.”
Know from deep within your true nature that the conflict is communication to awaken and lead you, so listen. Stop, take a breath, quiet your mind and listen within. If you are more visual than allow your imagination to speak to you. Go forward from that place.
Kleefeld writes “To be more than relationship technicians we need to experiment with our own beings as reference…. Why be a copy machine of unchosen material? …May we create relationships as we would create art, continually reinventing ourselves in the process, using our imaginations rather than society’s stereotypes to express our ideals.” (pp.210-202)
In this video Carolyn reads her poetry and prose. If your time is short, I recommend the second reading a minute or so in.
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Kimberly Wulfert, PhD, Licensed Psychologist & Coach in Ventura & Ojai California, virtually
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“Nothing is worth the energy lost in conflict” I learned that lesson the hard way in 1992 I was struck down with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, a sudden onset, my life came to a holt I lost my job, my ability to function in anyway. Even with a small conflict I would feel my energy being sucked out of me, it did not take long for me to realize what I was losing, physically and emotionally each time, I let conflict control my emotions. it was hard there are some people (relatives) in your life that thrive on conflict and
walking away is the only way to stop the conflict. I wish everyone could feel what conflict does to your physical and emotional being my illness made it so real I could feel my energy being drained and it was not worth it. For some conflict is a way of life, it becomes a dynamic in a relationship that is just accepted but the damage is real and it takes a toll on our physical well being. I have learned to walk away for my own health and well being.